ali † 18 † ny

live my life to the best of my ability and i dont let people bring me down. this is an all country, muddinn && country music blog.

loves:: tattoos, country boys, piercings, love, muddin, trucks, country music,nashville, mud, wheeling, George Strait, fishing, camo, mossy oak, $$$, real tree && browning.


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kushandwizdom:

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I really need to talk to someone.

I’ve never been depressed before. I am not that kind of person. I am always happy, always smiling, always know how to make the best out of any situation. I never dwell on petty problems that aren’t worth beating myself up over for longer then they deserve. No matter what I could smile through the pain and overcome anything and be stronger then I was before.

But this time I really can’t deal with it.
I have stayed strong for so long. 10 months. & this is my breaking point.
I gave everything, absolutely everything to one person that gave me nothing.
Nothing but stress, nothing but tears, nothing but heartbreak.
It’s all manipulative.
I love you today, I don’t know what I want anymore, I don’t love you anymore tomorrow.
How does that work? I thought when your in love, you love them unconditionally.
No matter what happens throughout the day your suppose to look at the one you love and be happy.
That’s not the case.
I was just a burden to you.
Someone that you didn’t need to deal with when times got rough because I was just another problem.
I worked so hard to get you back and once I did you let me go once again because you don’t love me anymore.
But not even a week ago you swore up and down that you did.
That you missed me so much, and loved me and never wanted to lose me again.
You made me make promises to you that I swore I would keep to make sure that we would actually work this time.
But you lied.
You lied to get me hooked again, to make sure I wasn’t going anywhere.
You knew I was going to move on, that I was going to get over this.
But I just fell right back under your manipulative love spell.
And now I’m stuck. Stuck is this dark hole by myself.
Wondering where I went wrong.
What I could have possibly done to drive you away like this.
What could have made you fall out of love with me.
How you could just make me believe that I was actually loved by someone.
But you know what?
I didn’t go wrong.
Not once.
I did everything I could have possibly done to show you an overwhelming amount of love, care, and support.
You were the one that just couldn’t handle it.
I don’t know if it is just due to all the broken promises, heartaches, and tragedy that you have gone through in previous relationships.
But with me you could of had it all.
But you don’t want it.
And there is nothing I can do anymore.
But move on and find someone that actually appreciates all of that.
You don’t put someone you love through this.
You don’t.
So I’m done with the lies.
Done with the tears.
And done with the heartbreak.
Because I am better then all of that.
I can go on with my life knowing I did absolutely everything I possibly can.
And you can go on knowing you did absolutely nothing.